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6:27 AM
Time check: 6:27am.. Still unable to slp.. the tears are in my eyes.. fighting hard to force it back.. do i have the courage to let go a 3 yrs rs? will i be able to step out of the painful shadow? It's the feeling that lasted so long.. his 3rd day at Taiwan.. everytime he called back, he will ask whether have i thought of our rs.. his smses are those filled with feelings or the memories of our past.. i'm feeling very stress n upset.. dunno is i force my tears back too much or i have run out of tears.. din wan to stay at home and think of anything.. just wanna get out..
What kind of gal am i? i really dunno.. i dun tink i'm a good gal.. i guess i'm just the worst of all.. my heart is breakin.. to love or be with someone who u can nv trust again.. i tink tat's the worst insult afterall.. the fear never leave me.. hw much i wan to tell him i love him but i can't be with him anymore.. the words nv came out.. is i too bothered about his feelings den mine? what i can do is i can only see him cry infront of mi and comfort him.. who will comfort me? i tried to forgive him and forget.. i tried my very best.. i tried nt to think.. i tried to earse my memory of those unhappy times.. but i really afraid the next time he hit mi again, i will be in the other world.. it getting worst everytime he hit me.. the fear just grow stronger everytime.. he say he will help mi fight the fear bt he is the biggest fear.. hw can he help mi? he been telling mi tat we been thru so many ups and downs together, this is the last obstacle.. if we can overcome this, everything will b fine.. is it true? the obstacle is there forever.. the memories just flow back to me everytime.. everything is a nightmare.. hw he almost killed mi.. u tink i make it seem very serious? coz u aren't in my shoe when the things happened.. a chopper at ur throat, him on top of u, slapping ur face and shouting at u.. if u tink this isn't serious, there are others too.. this isn't anything fr the drama but my experience.. haha.. i'm tired.. tired of every thinking.. lost.. lost in the mist.. lost in the darkness.. lost in the nightmare.. even if there is someone who light a matches, i guess i will jump onto that someone and beg that someone to bring mi out of it.. haha.. sound like i'm so desperate.. ya.. but i am..
I'm lost.. will u lead me the way out? Please.. here i am beggin u..
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Always by your side SnOwY
When your are down please remember i m always there for you*
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